Kate McCann has revealed that she felt too guilty over the disappearance of her daughter to take any pleasure in life… and was even unable to make love to her husband Gerry.In the book, she says there were two reasons that she felt the strain of Madeleine’s disappearance might affect their marriage.
The first was an inability to allow herself any sort of pleasure – whether reading a book, playing music or making love to her husband.
The second, she says, was the fear that a paedophile may have taken Madeleine.
‘Tortured as I was by these images, it’s not surprising that even the thought of sex repulsed me,’ says Mrs McCann in today’s serialisation in The Sun. ‘I worried about Gerry and me. I worried that if I didn’t get our sex life on track our whole relationship would break down.’
In her account, Mrs McCann says her husband was supportive throughout her worst years, never making her feel guilty. ‘He would put his arm round me, reassuring me and telling me that he loved me,’ she writes.
After four months of frantically searching for Madeleine in Portugal, the couple were forced to go home without her, breaking down in tears when they landed back in Britain.
Mrs McCann recounts the day she returned to Madeleine’s bedroom at their home in Rothley, Leicestershire – and imagined her daughter was still there.
She didn’t go into the bedroom but stood at the open door. ‘I could almost see her there, lying on her side in a foetal position, her little head resting gently on the pillow with her fine, blonde hair spread out behind,’ she writes.
Kate McCann has also written about how she was speechless with fury when police offered her a ‘lenient’ jail term if she confessed to disposing of Madeleine’s body.
Her Portuguese lawyer even tried to sweeten the pill by suggesting that while she stayed in jail, her husband Gerry could go back to work.
The extraordinary day the couple became suspects was their most despairing of all, and Mrs McCann says in her forthcoming book, serialised in The Sun, that even her normally-solid husband was distraught.
She said: ‘He was on his knees, sobbing, his head hung low. “We’re finished. Our life is over”, he kept saying.’ Read More
